unfurling

These beauties are opening a little each day. I'm loving the olloclip for how close I can get to the subject.

 

the world has issues

The picture below is from Sue Fitzmaurice's Facebook page.

"I have just found out there is nothing wrong with me, it is the word that has issues"

How nice it would have been if I had known this when I was an awkward, ugly teenager, or a new mum who really had no clue, or a worker who never fitted in, or a wife that had the wool pulled over her eyes.. I know it now though and it is not too late for the knowledge to make a difference.

Fear has moved aside a little. Most of the time it is a distant memory, one that is only pulled to the foreground in reaction to someone else's actions or reactions to me.  People do not like me, and it saddens me.

At the mall recently we were having a wonderful time colouring in with the kids and someone leaned on the table I was using and lifted it right off its legs. I wasn't overly concerned. It had moved only a little upwards and stopped moving when it came back down to rest. I glanced up at the couple at the other end of the table and then got back on with my colouring in. I would have though nothing of it except a few minutes later I heard the man in that couple say that I had given him "the look" I really couldn't believe he had thought that I had done anything like that. I was embarrassed and appalled. I just kept on colouring and gave the impression that I had not heard him. After  all what could you say in that situation? 'grow up' came to mind but I didn't express it. 

It reminded me that even when I say nothing people still judge me. It says more about them than it does me, especially when they don't even know me. It has plagued me all my life.  Unfortunately I don't have a perpetually smiley face. My mouth turns down. This does not mean anything, it just is. When I was a child I was often told to stop sulking. I've not forgotten it or the feeling of injustice that came to me when I felt I had been unfairly accused. It happened a lot. 

It was fear that caused the embarrassment, fear that people would believe him or that he thought I was that nasty or judgemental. Bear in mind that I barely even looked at them and cant even describe them other than they were mid to late 20 somethings. So really wasn't giving him any sort of censorious look. perhaps he was feeling stupid for disrupting the table by leaning heavily on the end. 

You might wonder why I would even write about this minor, brief, incident. Maybe you think I'm blowing it out of proportion. I have to learn something from this so it stops hurting me, so what I choose to learn from it is: there was nothing wrong with me, it was him that had issues.

What to do in a day? Love the little things.

I have today off work in lieu of some time I put in after last weeks earthquakes. I feel like a bit of a fraud since I didn't do all that much extra time or work but I'm not fool enough to turn down a day off. In fact I think I will take time off more often I have been thoroughly enjoying myself.

We had my birthday and then had the girls stay for a few days and today I have to myself. I am blessed to have two friends to share the day with too. I think Wendy and I may catch up for a chat shortly, and this morning I saw Elizabeth, while I took her PC up to be cleaned of its nasty bug. Thankfully she wont be without it for long.

I am amazed at how many rugs Elizabeth has made to send to Christchurch to comfort anyone that needs it, since the 2011 earthquakes. These are not small rugs mind you. There is hours and hours of work involved and they are the classic granny squares with black surrounds. I believe the current rug is on its way to Christchurch this week. So inspiring. I've only made three rugs to give away,all int he last two years, and they have all been to Sean's family's new babies. I trust they will get good use out of them. I'm getting right into the current one, and have been surprised how quickly it is growing but I will hold off posting photos until later.  My cousin's baby is not due for a while yet.

The weather is great.. chilly but clear and calm. I have to get off here and go plant the iris's and two other plants, whose names I do not recall, that Elizabeth gave me to bring home. Then off to walk the dogs or catch up with Wendy, what better way is there to spend a day.?

Later this evening..

Well the day got better and better. Coffee and a walk with Wendy, and Elizabeth came round to see the garden. And I read the INSTRUCTIONS on the olloclip box and discovered that the way I was using the macro lens was all wrong. Learning how to use it correctly has opened up a whole new world. I posted a few photos to Bedlam Farm's Open Group.on Facebook. and my status .. I think I am addicted to macro. "Love the little things"

first time

These flowers are all on the same camellia bush, in the garden down the driveway. Its not all that big but it flowers profusely.
I've had it 18 years and every year the flowers come out and are bruised so I got in quick to take these.
This is probably the first time I've ever tried.I'll have another go when we pick up the macro lens. these were taken on a close up setting. The camera does all the focusing which is great since my eyesight could be better.